New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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