What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
