conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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