I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I just cut my nipple shaving
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
