Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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