I think I died a long time ago.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
