i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
