i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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