i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
we're making bets on your personal life
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
