hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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