Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
