life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
