If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
