Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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