there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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