He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm gonna fight the coyote
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
