New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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