Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
