we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
