he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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