well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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