He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
