Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
