do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
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