so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
