Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
it's like iHOP with fire
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
