some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
