Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
