Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
