i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
