I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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