there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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