So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
