I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
