just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize