He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Where is the hickey?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
