i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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