Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
should my penis look like a turkey
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
