I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
And then my night got REAL pukey
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
