the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
