Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
