"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
