you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
