I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
