I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
being pregnant is like rehab
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
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