Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
