Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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