I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
