so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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