I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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