I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize