I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
