The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
