u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
