You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
