All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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