Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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