By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
