Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
