3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
