Plan B is the new Plan A
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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