i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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