Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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