who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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