he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
