At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
