my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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