Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
