I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
