Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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