And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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