What did we do last night that was yellow?
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
