i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
