wrigley field is MILF paradise
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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