Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
God, I missed his penis.
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