is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
