I don't think brook has ever known best
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
