For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
